Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Responder's Guilt

I have been pondering this post for several days . . . .

I feel like the methotrexate (aka MTX, Rheumatrex, etc) is starting to work.  My stiffness isn't as severe in the morning. Though, it still lasts as long.  I am able to move from bed a little sooner in the morning.  Stairs are still rough at that point.  I have more energy. My naps are shorter and I am able to make it on 8 hours of sleep or less (that was the real indicator, I haven't woken up exhausted).  I've been able to conquer stairs more often at school!

Then I began to worry about starting a thread about it in my online support group.  Feeling guilty, since so many people are having a rough time of it lately.  However, we also have a lot of scared new members, who are looking for the light at the end of that tunnel.

It was then that I realized what I was feeling was something akin to "Survivor's guilt".  I decided as I was falling asleep last night that I would write about this.  Share this good news.  Give someone else hope.  In deciding to do so, I started to recall the idea of medication helping a foreign thought.  I didn't really believe, though I desperately wanted it,that I could get better.

So, if you are reading this, grasping at straws and looking for some sense amongst the fatigue and the pain, DO NOT GIVE UP!  There is hope, you will find the right combination of medications and you will feel better!  I didn't believe it when others told me how much better I would feel once I did find that "magic" combination of drugs (for me it is 2 DMARDs, Sulfasalazine & Methotrexate; Mobic, Amitryptiline and Flexeril. With the occasional Percoset, tramadol or voltaren gel) . . . I didn't want to get my hopes up!
I am telling you, GET YOUR HOPES UP!

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